Those of you who are fans of the fabulous British comedy series Blackadder may remember the spin off tele movie Back and Forth during which Blackadder and friends travel back in time. Mr Blackadder takes the opportunity during stop in Elizabethan London to punch out William Shakespeare in the name of all the school children who would be tortured by his work over the coming 400 years.
I recalled this as inspiration when, during a visit to the many tombs inside Westminster Abbey, I stamped the dirty heel of my right hiking boot firmly on the grave of Charles Dickens.
Some of you I’m sure will disapprove of this stomping. It was very disrespectful. I recognise too that some of you may have even enjoyed his books, though God knows how. For me, however, with the exception of A Christmas Carol (probably because it doesn’t go on for two weeks and I can relate on a personal level to Mr Scrooge) Mr Dickens brings on a barely controllable urge to poke my own eyes out with a pencil.
I managed once to force myself to finish A Tale of Two Cities but other than that I’ve never made it past page 50 before being unable to take any more. So, when I had my chance in the Abbey’s Poet’s Corner, I let him have it.
The Poet’s Corner section of the Abbey provides the final resting place or monuments to a who’s who of British literature including Rudyard Kipling (who to my annoyance has been made to lie next to Mr Dickens for eternity), Lewis Carroll, D.H Lawrence, T.S Elliott and a bunch of flouncy big-shirted poets I don’t care about. (I have never been able to tolerate any form of poetry other than the naughty ditties my grandfather taught me as small child).
During my visit I also stopped by the tombs of Queen Elizabeth I and Mary Queen of Scots. I discovered that Mary’s supporters saw to it that she got a bigger tomb than Elizabeth, apparently to help Mary stick it up her rival from the next world. You go girl. It is said that the likeness of QEI in the sculpture atop her tomb was taken from her death mask and is one of the most accurate likenesses of her. If this is true, it’s not completely surprising that she died unmarried. She does not appear to have been any great beauty but then again, how good can you look when you’re dead?
There are many other famous figures of history buried in the Abbey including monarchs and prime ministers and the scientists Charles Darwin and Isaac Newton (I would have stomped on him too but he rests in a roped off area – Physics, BLAAH!)
Then there was the seriously awesome William Wilberforce (a great hero of mine who led the fight to abolish slavery). But poor Mr Wilberforce is buried right under the queue of people lining up to collect audio guides for the self-guided tour of the Abbey. They stand right on top of him while they wait. Mr Wilberforce may have been instrumental in ridding the world of slavery but even he cannot rid England of queues.