I have a feeling that if I ever get there heaven would look a lot like Norway. And the angels wouldn’t be pretty, plump little cherubs flouncing about in big frilly shirts. No. They would be strapping Norsemen with long blonde hair and piercing blue eyes.
They would probably have no shirts at all. They could keep the wings; that would be entertaining. But wait, I am being distracted by thoughts of flying beefcake and forgetting to tell you about why I think Norway is just about heaven on earth.
If I were able to design the landscape of what heaven should look like I would start with Norway as a model. I would borrow from its deep valleys, round-topped mountains and of course the deep fjords and rivers that are so clean you could scoop the water out and drink it.
But even a candidate for heaven has its issues.
I would adjust the climate to make it just a bit warmer and ease off the rainfall. Bergen, the main city of western Norway, apparently has more than 200 days of rain each year. In 2007 a new record was set when it rained for 84 days straight. That’s certainly not heavenly.
And the damned mosquitoes and midges would definitely have to go. So we can see that even a model for heaven has flaws.
There’s a couple more. I cannot abide the hunting of animals for fur or the slaughter of whales. Some Norwegians still like to wear fur and it’s openly available in the souvenir shops of Bergen.
Norwegians also eat whale meat. In the fish markets of Bergen smoked whale meat was openly on display while one of the cafes was offering whale on toast(!). At least they are honest about it and don’t insult our intelligence with bullshit about scientific research. Norway kills whales so they can have whale on toast for tea. The Norwegian Government markets whale meat to young Norwegians as trendy as this 2017 ABC article explained.
There would be no room in my heaven for fur-wearing whale-eaters.
The prices would also need to come down considerably before Norway could be truly heavenly. The hotel room I had in Bergen last week consisted of a small single bed and a collection of furniture that could have come from an op shop it was so tatty. For this I had to pay 190 Australian dollars. The one I had in Oslo was slightly better and a Norwegian steal at only AUD 155.
After a day out hiking with some English tourists some of the Englishmen decided to treat themselves to a beer. They realised later they had paid 10 pounds (16 Australian dollars) for a pint. A McDonald’s burger, fries and drink meal costs about 16 Australian dollars. Heaven sure has a high cost of living.
But even with those issues, I’d still use Norway as my model for Heaven. It’s somewhere I’d be happy to spend eternity in.
It’s very hard to do justice to Norway with words and photos because the scale of things is so big it’s impossible to capture it. It is really one of the countries that has to be seen. I can’t wait to see it again.