“They say there’s not much to do on them other than sit and eat” the Uber drive delivering us to Station Pier says. He’s nodding in the direction of the enormous Golden Princess cruise ship, our home for the next two nights.
Whether there is enough to do on a cruise ship other than eat has dominating the to cruise or not to cruise discussions in our household. While I could happily sit on a balcony with a book for days on end, my partner would rather throw himself overboard than read. To test whether cruising is for us, we’re taking a two-night taster cruise on board Princess Cruise line’s Golden Princess from Melbourne to Adelaide. This will be enough for us to try out cruise life and see if we would like to do a longer one. We shall see if the Uber driver is right.
Moments after stepping on board we are already lost. The massive floating hotel has room for 2600 passengers and more than 1000 crew. The vastness of the ship’s public areas is a bit overwhelming at first. We have to ask directions to find our suite. The suite itself is quite nice, equivalent to a four-star hotel room. Our mini suite has a bed, a couch, two tvs and desk. The bathroom has a bath and shower. Best of all we have a private balcony with deck chairs and a little table – an ideal book reading set up.
The television is on a loop playing safety messages featuring the ageing cast of the Love Boat. And we quickly learn that it’s not ice bergs or sea monsters we need to be afraid of but germs.
The best part was a jingle about the importance of washing your hands. We must use soap to make some bubbles and wash for at least 30 seconds according to the hand washing song. It’s a bit Sesame Street at sea but the message is important. There are plenty of examples of mass gastro outbreaks on cruise ships.
In January 2018, just a couple of months ago, an outbreak of norovirus on Princess line’s Sea Princess left 200 passengers sick. Before we were allowed to board the ship we were made to sign a declaration that we haven’t experienced diarrhoea or vomiting in the previous three days. Ok. I’ll wash my hands a lot.
Soon after our steward knocks on the door bearing welcome champagne. He also warns us we’ll be summoned to a compulsory safety briefing when the alarm sounds. When we hear the emergency siren blast, we must head to the casino. There’s more Love Boat themed safety jingles in the casino before the voice of our captain comes through the PA. The first safety message is about the appropriate use of toilets. Yes. First we learn how to wash our hands. Now we learn how to use a toilet.
According to our captain, the vacuum system toilets (similar to those on a plane) work just fine for what they were designed for i.e. bodily waste and toilet paper. The three main takeaways from the safety briefing are don’t put ‘other’ things down the toilet; wash our hands, wash our hands, wash our hands; and, should we start to sink, we must take the life jacket from the wardrobe in our room and runaway to the casino, from where we will be escorted to a life boat and rescued. A fourth, and unhelpful, takeaway from the safety meeting is that the bloody Love Boat theme is firmly stuck in my head where it will remain for the duration of our trip.
We watch the Melbourne skyline slide away from our balcony as we “set a course for adventure” to Adelaide.
At dinner we share a table with other guests and learn we’re not alone with the cruise tasting idea. Plenty of our fellow passengers are taking this two-day leg from Melbourne to Adelaide to see if they like cruising. The ship will go on to make stops in South Australia and Western Australia on its way to Singapore.
After dinner we head to one of the ship’s theatres to join in a trivia night before walking most of the massive ship. We walk around two kilometres exploring. The ship has begun to sway a bit after exiting Port Phillip heads. I wake up a few times during the night feeling the bed tilt. I can hear the ship creak and groan. It’s not the greatest night’s sleep.
Saturday morning brings our one full day at sea. We survey our entertainment options advertised in the ship’s daily newsletter. Our on-board organised entertainment prospects including fruit and vegetable carving, cooking demos and bingo fail to excite us. We decide to amuse ourselves instead.
I could hit the day spa. I could even get a little work done – yeah, there’s Botox on the seas – but we are determined though to make the most of the stuff we can do on board for free.
But first breakfast. We are made to line up to wash and disinfect our hands before being allowed into the buffet. It’s a bit yuck and similar to a hotel breakfast buffet. The Uber driver’s words are ringing in my ears as I explore the countless ways to consume thousands of empty calories from bacon, to French toast pancakes and pastries. After filling up on fruit, yoghurt and waffles, we figure we better head to the ship’s gym.
Walking on treadmill on a moving ship isn’t as easy as I had hoped. I struggle with sea legs and keep bumping into the side rails. The exercise bike is a little easier.
The weather hasn’t been particularly kind. It’s overcast and cool on deck. But that doesn’t stop us heading to the outdoor cinema where we rug up under blankets to watch Eddie the Eagle – while eating pizza. And ice cream. It’s never too cold for ice cream.
The weather clears late in the afternoon and the sea becomes calm. We enjoy what we came for – relaxing on our private balcony while enjoying a bottle of wine, some cheese and chocolate while we watch the sunset. After all this sitting around and eating, it must be time for a final three-course dinner. So we head to the dining room.
I’m determined to take in one piece of cruise ship corny entertainment. After our dinner we head for the theatre to watch a British Invasion show – an all singing, all dancing tribute to British music of the 60s and 70s that made it in America. It is actually quite good but I can’t help notice that all the singers have American accents, which kind of defeats the purpose of it being a tribute to British musicians. But it was a fun way to end the trip and we’re not eating.
After a second and much calmer night at sea we awake to find we have arrived at Outer Harbour Adelaide early in the morning. After another buffet breakfast, it’s time to disembark.
The verdict
The two-day taster cruise was a good option for checking out cruising. It was very good value for money, cheap in fact. We were glad that we decided to pay extra for the private balcony as this gives you somewhere private and peaceful to retreat to when cruise crowds are too much. This will be a must if we ever do a longer cruise. Which we will.